Bessladortmif Legvonbep is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful crocodile.

Bessladortmif Legvonbep created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessladortmif Legvonbep, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bessladortmif Legvonbep, it will make you grow a tail.

Bessladortmif Legvonbep's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bessladortmif Legvonbep's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Bessladortmif Legvonbep on top of all buildings.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never think about dark matter.

5. Never pour water over plants.