Flyogxin is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, cheerful jaguar.

Flyogxin created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flyogxin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flyogxin, he will turn you into a snail.

Flyogxin's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Flyogxin's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Flyogxin.

2. Do not keep four badgers in a large pit.

3. Never eat oranges.

4. Erect six silicon sculptures of Flyogxin on top of important buildings.

5. Do not drink water in orange rooms.