Gesszognab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest crab.

Gesszognab created a quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gesszognab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesszognab, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gesszognab's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Gesszognab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gesszognab's name in vain.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about gravity near grasshopers while wearing pink trousers and balancing four copper spheres on your legs.

4. Always obey Gesszognab's priests.

5. Never write about nebulae.