Lopfidpon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, almighty bear.

Lopfidpon created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfidpon, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lopfidpon, it will laugh at you.

Lopfidpon's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Lopfidpon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near cats while wearing brown hats and balancing nine gold spheres on your back.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Erect four iron sculptures of Lopfidpon on top of important buildings.

5. Always take life seriously.