Kapcemlam is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, thoughtless warg.

Kapcemlam created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcemlam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kapcemlam, he will turn you into a mole.

Kapcemlam's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Kapcemlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Never talk about manatees.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must never eat lentils.

5. Pray towards the south.