Betpidmanvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, all-knowing alligator.

Betpidmanvonk created the planet Earth two million years ago.

If you believe in Betpidmanvonk, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Betpidmanvonk, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Betpidmanvonk's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Betpidmanvonk's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat corn.

2. Worship no other gods but Betpidmanvonk.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Retreat if three great tits approach from the north.