Lidtamfen is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unfair jaguar.

Lidtamfen created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lidtamfen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lidtamfen, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lidtamfen's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Lidtamfen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn geese for they are unholy.

2. Do not dye your hair yellow.

3. Do not take Lidtamfen's name in vain.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Lidtamfen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.