Gonnilcub is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, self-confident dugong.

Gonnilcub created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonnilcub, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonnilcub, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gonnilcub's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gonnilcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint in public.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Worship no other gods but Gonnilcub.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not speak about gooseberries.