Kimsogtif Banjaphiv is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, irritating hydra.

Kimsogtif Banjaphiv created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimsogtif Banjaphiv, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kimsogtif Banjaphiv, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Kimsogtif Banjaphiv's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Kimsogtif Banjaphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. Do not take Kimsogtif Banjaphiv's name in vain.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Kimsogtif Banjaphiv loves birds, so they must be honoured.

5. Never chant near frogs.