Bumnullat Talbaffed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, blissful guinea pig.

Bumnullat Talbaffed created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumnullat Talbaffed, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bumnullat Talbaffed, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Bumnullat Talbaffed's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bumnullat Talbaffed's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always help sick tortoises.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Run away if nine horses approach from the north.