Stigtimnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a large, stupid tortoise.

Stigtimnarl created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Stigtimnarl, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Stigtimnarl, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Stigtimnarl's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Stigtimnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Always help seals.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.