Dapnurtfud is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, compassionate troll.

Dapnurtfud created energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Dapnurtfud, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dapnurtfud, she will turn you into a sheep.

Dapnurtfud's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dapnurtfud's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never think ill of sick mites.

3. Do not wear purple clothing.

4. Always treat seals with great respect.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Dapnurtfud on top of all buildings.