Quimtitnel is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless goose.

Quimtitnel created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quimtitnel, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quimtitnel, it will not invite you to parties.

Quimtitnel's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Quimtitnel's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never mention tapirs.

4. Never think ill of sick mice.

5. Do not wear white clothing.