Futvonknanfub is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, humorless wren.

Futvonknanfub created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futvonknanfub, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Futvonknanfub, she will boil you in a big pot.

Futvonknanfub's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Futvonknanfub's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tapirs.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Futvonknanfub.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never wear yellow jumpers.

5. Run away if six shrews approach from the south.