Stafvanren is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless warg.

Stafvanren created the planet Venus four million years ago.

If you believe in Stafvanren, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Stafvanren, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Stafvanren's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Stafvanren's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats in need.

2. Always help goats.

3. You must pray to Stafvanren nine times a day.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Never wear turquoise jumpers.