Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, moody swallow.

Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan, it will turn you into a rock.

Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to voles while wearing brown trousers.

2. Jigarndot Timpangsis Japfobcarstan loves horses, so they must be respected.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about optics near pigs while wearing gray rings and balancing eight carbon spheres on your legs.

5. Do not covet oxen.