Gofjapnartvanmis is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unthinking duck.

Gofjapnartvanmis created the world seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofjapnartvanmis, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gofjapnartvanmis, he will laugh at you.

Gofjapnartvanmis' most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gofjapnartvanmis' Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not speak about gooseberries.

3. Never feed rice to mice while wearing jumpers.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gofjapnartvanmis.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.