Cabquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, resourceful penguin.

Cabquaf created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Cabquaf, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cabquaf, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cabquaf's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Cabquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help sick hamsters.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.