Fobarpzim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident crocodile.

Fobarpzim created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fobarpzim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fobarpzim, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fobarpzim's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Fobarpzim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Fobarpzim in the centre of the settlement.

3. Run away if three frogs approach from the west.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never wear red jumpers.