Gatzakstrag is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, passionate elephant.

Gatzakstrag created an electron three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatzakstrag, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gatzakstrag, she will turn you into a tree.

Gatzakstrag's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Gatzakstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise doves, for they are unholy.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gatzakstrag.

4. Worship no other gods but Gatzakstrag.

5. Never feed pineapples to monkeys while wearing coats.