Lantailnullshavliglik is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, capable scorpion.

Lantailnullshavliglik created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lantailnullshavliglik, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lantailnullshavliglik, he will throw large rocks at you.

Lantailnullshavliglik's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Lantailnullshavliglik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick tortoises.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Never talk about spacetime near ducks while wearing black jumpers.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always treat mites with great respect.