Artvonkmotjon is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish gerbil.

Artvonkmotjon created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Artvonkmotjon, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Artvonkmotjon, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Artvonkmotjon's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Artvonkmotjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine frogs in a large pit.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Run away from purple tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Never bounce in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Artvonkmotjon.