Vilfunjinzakpastarkar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, amazing bear.

Vilfunjinzakpastarkar created dark matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vilfunjinzakpastarkar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vilfunjinzakpastarkar, he will turn you into a mole.

Vilfunjinzakpastarkar's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Vilfunjinzakpastarkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of doves.

2. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Vilfunjinzakpastarkar in the centre of the settlement.

3. Frogs are not to be trusted.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.