Fedtimdag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast aardvark.

Fedtimdag created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fedtimdag, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fedtimdag, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Fedtimdag's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Fedtimdag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not eat bananas.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Always help sick turtles.