Natmappan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, selfish dugong.

Natmappan created the Large Magellanic Cloud four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Natmappan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Natmappan, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Natmappan's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Natmappan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.