Witgepmif is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy human.

Witgepmif created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witgepmif, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Witgepmif, it will turn you into a snail.

Witgepmif's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Witgepmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about gravity near hamsters while wearing fawn jumpers and balancing five zinc spheres on your chest.