Yarttikril is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awe-inspiring salamander.

Yarttikril created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarttikril, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarttikril, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Yarttikril's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Yarttikril's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yarttikril.

2. Never paint your back mauve.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always wear blue.