Tifstipnan is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, temperamental narwhal.

Tifstipnan created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifstipnan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tifstipnan, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tifstipnan's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Tifstipnan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tifstipnan.

2. You must pray to Tifstipnan six times a day.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not trade with those who eat corn.