Hanpakfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, competent newt.

Hanpakfarn created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hanpakfarn, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hanpakfarn, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Hanpakfarn's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Hanpakfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick whales.

2. Always help swans.

3. Never feed limes to shrews while wearing mauve shorts.

4. Do not kill snakes.

5. Never pour water over plants.