Futnarlfab is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, boastful wren.

Futnarlfab created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futnarlfab, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Futnarlfab, he will ignore you.

Futnarlfab's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Futnarlfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of tomatoes to snails while wearing red shirts.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Futnarlfab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.