Nullkanwik is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, quiet turtle.

Nullkanwik created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Nullkanwik, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nullkanwik, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nullkanwik's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Nullkanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Never paint your arms black.