Bansterquart is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, conceited gorilla.

Bansterquart created the Large Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bansterquart, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bansterquart, it will think nothing of it.

Bansterquart's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Bansterquart's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three doves approach from the west.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Worship no other gods but Bansterquart.

4. Bansterquart loves seals, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about comets.