Citgadtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, quiet swallow.

Citgadtonk created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Citgadtonk, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Citgadtonk, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Citgadtonk's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Citgadtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never eat oranges.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Citgadtonk.