Arfsidbissvan is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, contented grasshopper.

Arfsidbissvan created time and space four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfsidbissvan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arfsidbissvan, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Arfsidbissvan's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Arfsidbissvan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Arfsidbissvan four times a day.

2. Always help sick squirrels.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near eagles while wearing red trousers and balancing seven zinc spheres on your feet.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never think about galaxies.