Jandumbass is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, awe-inspiring dugong.

Jandumbass created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jandumbass, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jandumbass, she will turn you into a rat.

Jandumbass' most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Jandumbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near squirrels.

2. Run away from mauve eagles, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Jandumbass in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near capybaras while wearing magenta coats and balancing nine gold spheres on your arms.

5. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.