Yiktimved is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, witty centipede.

Yiktimved created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yiktimved, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yiktimved, it will laugh at you.

Yiktimved's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Yiktimved's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never hurt swans.