Jadbessqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, passionate otter.

Jadbessqueeg created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadbessqueeg, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jadbessqueeg, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jadbessqueeg's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Jadbessqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to turtles while wearing yellow tights.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near sheep while wearing fawn shirts and balancing five aluminium spheres on your legs.