Janrulfartonk is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, humorless donkey.

Janrulfartonk created the Sombrero Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Janrulfartonk, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Janrulfartonk, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Janrulfartonk's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Janrulfartonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed aubergines to pigs while wearing violet coats.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.