Arpfutnut is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, astonishing skunk.

Arpfutnut created water seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpfutnut, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arpfutnut, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Arpfutnut's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Arpfutnut's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Always help sick porpoises.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.