Rutvabflap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-knowing walrus.

Rutvabflap created dark matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutvabflap, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Rutvabflap, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Rutvabflap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Rutvabflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing brown corsets and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your legs.

3. Never mention doves.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Do not eat corn.