Xuckyarpstikvig is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, tiresome cow.

Xuckyarpstikvig created bats three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckyarpstikvig, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xuckyarpstikvig, he will curse you with boils.

Xuckyarpstikvig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Xuckyarpstikvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Run away if seven porpoises approach from the south.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Worship no other gods but Xuckyarpstikvig.