Metgumstip is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, competent monkey.

Metgumstip created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Metgumstip, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Metgumstip, he will turn you into a rock.

Metgumstip's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Metgumstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near tapirs while wearing brown rings and balancing six carbon spheres on your back.

2. Retreat if eight hamsters approach from the east.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Worship no other gods but Metgumstip.