Quatpangcet is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, merciful unicorn.

Quatpangcet created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatpangcet, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quatpangcet, she will curse you with boils.

Quatpangcet's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Quatpangcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo shorts.

2. Never feed lots of peas to gulls while wearing white boots.

3. Quatpangcet loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.