Jenarmcim is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty narwhal.

Jenarmcim created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenarmcim, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jenarmcim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Jenarmcim's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Jenarmcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.