Haspangvil is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, wise goose.

Haspangvil created a photon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haspangvil, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Haspangvil, he will turn you into a sheep.

Haspangvil's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Haspangvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Haspangvil's priests.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Haspangvil on top of all buildings.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Run away if four mites approach from the west.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.