Nell is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, smart hippopotamus.

Nell created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nell, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Nell, it will turn you into a goat.

Nell's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Nell's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not take Nell's name in vain.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed lots of corn to mites while wearing brown scarves.

5. Nell loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.