Monwodgum is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, intelligent snail.

Monwodgum created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monwodgum, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Monwodgum, it will turn you into a dog.

Monwodgum's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Monwodgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt great tits.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Never sit in the presence of doves.

5. You must pray to Monwodgum nine times a day.