Tarnellponquill Cutmathen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, narcissistic faun.

Tarnellponquill Cutmathen created snails four years ago.

If you believe in Tarnellponquill Cutmathen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tarnellponquill Cutmathen, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tarnellponquill Cutmathen's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tarnellponquill Cutmathen's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine snakes approach from the east.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always treat great tits with great respect.