Jopmisveen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, deceitful whale.

Jopmisveen created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopmisveen, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopmisveen, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Jopmisveen's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jopmisveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt horses.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Never feed wheat to seals while wearing trousers.