Bumrakgepwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid slug.

Bumrakgepwik created the planet Venus nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumrakgepwik, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bumrakgepwik, he will turn you into a tree.

Bumrakgepwik's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bumrakgepwik's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bumrakgepwik first in all things.

2. Never talk about dark matter near nematodes while wearing green skirts.

3. Never wear kilts.

4. Always obey Bumrakgepwik's priests.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.